11 Jan 2018

White Canvas

is not always

I'm not sure what I have to write
Again, I'm wondering if
any idea could fly into this bundle of cellulose

I was rereading my own fiction
Which I had created seven years ago
When I was blinded and just moved within times
But nothing was prepared for the future

There I'd been living in the present
Now I'm taking my reward--late for work chances

Knowing my Toastmasters allies
They are all bright persons
I'm feeling down
They've reached what they wanted
in such a young age

I'm fixing myself
Tempted to get my own business
But seeing them.. uff

Should have been motivated
Yet I am feeling more down

But then
Here in my workplace
I found persons which needs an elevator
to lift them up
to gain knowledge
Though they also have superiority

I am jealous
Even my little sister hates me often
I feel unaccepted
But I want to reach a meaning
for my life in this world
despite the one main order from Allah


Now I feel a bit better after writing it.
Since it's been very long to write something like this publicly
And I wanna gain my courage to let this burden go
I wanna be in a positive charge again. Tho still much to go.

Rimie or Ria, whatever.
Loista, 11 Jan 2018

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