White Canvas

is not always

white

I'm not sure what I have to write

Again, I'm wondering if

any idea could fly into this bundle of cellulose

I was rereading my own fiction

Which I had created seven years ago

When I was blinded and just moved within times

But nothing was prepared for the future

There I'd been living in the present

Now I'm taking my reward--late for work chances

Knowing my Toastmasters allies

They are all bright persons

I'm feeling down

They've reached what they wanted

in such a young age

I'm fixing myself

Tempted to get my own business

But seeing them.. uff

Should have been motivated

Yet I am feeling more down

But then

Here in my workplace

I found persons which needs an elevator

to lift them up

to gain knowledge

Though they also have superiority

I am jealous

Even my little sister hates me often

I feel unaccepted

But I want to reach a meaning

for my life in this world

despite the one main order from Allah

---

Now I feel a bit better after writing it.

Since it's been very long to write something like this publicly

And I wanna gain my courage to let this burden go

I wanna be in a positive charge again. Tho still much to go.

Rimie or Ria, whatever.

Loista, 11 Jan 2018