31 Okt 2018

A Little Throw Back Anger

Somehow, yeah somehow, I threw back while hearing the song.
But somehow, it brought a different feeling on me.

You know, he was the only boyfriend i had. And when I end it up, I give it all to him. I sincerely pray for him to meet a destined beauty that match him. He found not long after, meanwhile I keep myself single. I was happy, sincerely. Yes, to be honest even before we started dating, I have a brotherly friendship with him. And it lasts when we end it.

And that day comes, the wife (yes, legal wife) suddenly messaged me. Just because i repost the news about M* the cat died. I was angry, because I assumed it as my baby. And in fact, I also invested money on buying it. Super angry, she never know and he never tell her as well about the investment. Meanwhile I didn't know what should i do. I was fucked up.

I know she was jealous. But I hate it if I was even forbidden to show it. I hate them both right now. But since I was a masochist, i did nothing.

"Bahagiamu semoga menjadi bahagiaku.."

Sorry bunda Helvy if i ruined this beautiful song. But what if the released happiness suddenly become hate?

-R-

27 Sep 2018

Postingan ke 200

Selamat sudah sampai posting ke dua ratus.
Bukan saya tipikal orang merayakan sesuatu, kecuali dengan keparadoksan.

Saya merayakan dalam kesedihan. Saya merayakan dalam kehilangan. Saya merayakan dalam kekosongan. Saya dan semua yang saya lukai.

Rasanya stok keberuntungan saya sudah lagi habis. Tidak tersisa.

Ini kantor pertamaku. Ini pekerjaan resmi pertama yang kupunya. Yang bukan dengan bantuan siapa-siapa kecuali keinginanku sendiri. Tetapi, giliran aku deal pertama, kenapa bertepatan semua manager di lay off kan?

Aku tidak tahan lagi. Aku ingin pindah.

Di saat bersamaan, Om Ikhsan jatuh sakit. Hatiku sedikit terseret ke Omah Teko. Belumlah beres hati tergerus, ada lagi cobaan. Tapi jika kupandang dari sudut lain, seperti Allah memberiku tanda. Aku dipersilakan memilih. Kembali ke Jogja atau stay di Jabodetabek. Aku, inginnya kembali. Tapi babeh menghendaki cpns. -_-