25 Jul 2015

Kalaulah boleh memilih

usahlah kau urus sisi diriku
aku pun tak peduli lagi
kau boleh katakan sesukamu
tapi jangan kau korek lukaku lagi

luka ini, sekalipun tertutup debu dan waktu
akan memiliki bekas, setidaknya memori
kuhargai pemberianmu ini
dan kuingat sampai nafas berhenti

indah hidup yang kau katakan
bijaksana yang kau bandingkan
tak lihatkah kau aku punya hak
untuk putuskan

beribu kali maaf kau lantunkan
sebanding dengan pertambahan tusuk dan lebam yang kautanam
dan semakin hari
semakin kuperkokoh benteng ini
kumuseumkan luka ini agar abadi

tak pernah sekalipun kau coba menembus benteng itu
meski kucoba gelarkan karpet merah padamu

jika kini kau baru mencoba masuki
bernegosiasi dengan negri yg kubangun ini
tidakkah kau lihat
karpet merah itu telah kugulung kembali
gerbang telah kukunci rapat
ganda
kuncinya pun telah kutelan

sekalipun aku keluarkan kemaafan
bukan berarti luka itu berangsur pulih
karena sejatinya ku telah lumpuh
hilang segala daya juga rasa percaya

kuanggap kau hanya ada
tanpa identitas apa-apa
entah siapa yang mampu membuatku
luluh dan memaafkanmu
dialah yang akan menjadi penolongmu
untuk bantu membujukku
membuka gerbang kembali
untukmu, dan memberikanmu
kemaafan yang paling tulus

dia yang jadi tabib pengobat
kelumpuhanku yang nyaris abadi

kalaulah boleh memilih
aku akan tinggal bersamanya
mengobati luka secara perlahan
dan menjauh darimu
penyebab luka terdalam

---

Ria R. Ramadan
Yogya, 25.07.2015
setelah subuh gempa dan dialog airmata

1 Jul 2015

Anak Petani Tembakau (2)

kelanjutan dari Anak Petani Tembakau (1)

Anak gadis itu didiagnosa menderita Bronkhitis. Ia harus dirujuk ke Rumah Sakit untuk perawatan terapi lebih lanjut. Anak gadis ini mengelak, keberatan dengan pertimbangan biaya RS yang tidak sedikit. Bersikeras dijalani dengan biasa, ia pun tidak mengabari orangtuanya. Tidak ada yang perlu tahu, menurutnya.

Dua minggu berjalan, batuknya semakin parah, bahkan disertai pingsan akibat kehilangan nafas. Hal ini membuat pihak sekolah menghubungi orang tuanya di desa.

Orangtuanya kaget bukan kepalang. Ibunya yang menerima telepon bergegas lari menuju ladang tembakau yang sedang digarap sang suami. Nafasnya terburu, dadanya tercekat, panik memanggil nama suaminya. Mengabari apa yang disampaikan sekolah.

Sang suami sempat terdiam mendengar apa yang disampaikan. Sejenak kemudian, ia melempar sabit yang sedang dipakai untuk menyiangi rumput liar di lahan tembakau. Tergesa ia menghampiri istrinya, lalu berlari ke rumah.

One Fine Day

One Fine Day
OST: “One Fine Day” by Jung Yong Hwa
--
“Where are you? Oh, right there!” The girl waves to a certain place. “How are you?”
“Fine, thanks. How ‘bout you?”
“Despite of this engi-math task, I’m fine too, haha.” They giggles.
“That’s why I’m here, right?”
“Yes, I need you! Oops, I mean your textbook!”
--
That day, the girl make a she-thought-is-good-but-actually-bad scenario. And ended make the boy confessing love. A not-direct confession, but she accept it anyway later. She made him cried, thought he was a softened heart boy. Indeed he is.
--
That moments were the ones who girl can’t erase. When boy started a plan of making property developing company, and they talked about architecture and building plan since they studied the similar field. Girl learned a lot, also the boy. About the love, it gradually grown positively.
--
They made a company of pasteurized milk together. The boy bravely made a decision to borrow some money also from the girl’s mom. That was when all the bad news were coming. All the way, the company works, but the income didn’t met the BEP. They could not extend the rent. It went bankrupt yet it left so much debt. The girl’s mom who’s very idealist and already spent a big money there feel displeased and started to hate the boy.
--
The boy is graduated. They’re still in relationship, but started messed up. First of the mess was the boy couldn’t get a job, the girl helps him and put him on her mom’s company. There’s a miscommunication between him and the field supervisor, and it made him in a bad situation. Her mom started feeling annoyed and take the anger to the girl. She did not know what to do, since she still in belief that she can rely on him. But the idealist mom always took her chance to blame him diplomaticly.
--
The mom forced them to stop meeting each other. The girl who has a deep pain started to have a backstreet movement. They still come visit each other but not informed the mom.
--
On the worst move, the girl started become an idealist too. She thought a bad side which happened to her. And she started blaming him too. She didn’t want him to be more killed, so she thought of a real broke up. And yes, they broke up in a worst moment, yet it happened on the Fitri Day, which should be a forgiveness moment.
--
Now, almost half-a-year of the dismission. The girl is in the do-the-script condition. They still contact each other, but in a friend relationship. When it comes the girl have problems with mom, she came to the boy. Then the boy said that he’s already in an enclosure relationship with some girl. The girl become excited and support him so much.
The boy asked, “is it really okay?”
“Yea, it is up to you. You who do the rel..”
“Nope! I mean, you.” He cut her words. “Is it really okay with you? Do you really allow me to be with a girl?”
“Yup!” the girl ensures. “If she can do better with you than me, then you deserve it.” Girl said happily. All she could think that moment was her final project and the other schedules coming in.
“Okay then. Well, see you another time. Don’t cry if I take her with me, okay?”
“Nope! I won’t!”
--
Six months later
Girl called the boy. Told him some business offer that would require her mom’s money and permission. She wants to inform her mom, but she was so scared caused of the big money required. The boy said it’s okay to give him a call.
She called.
They talks about the problem. Then girl cries because of her true feeling about her relationship with her mom. The boy agrees. He said felt the same way towards them. He also felt the awkwardness in my family. The girl worried about having a future husband like her mom. She could not even imagine it. Only the boy would understand how she feels. Only the boy whom could share the same feeling. As their relationship stayed for 3 years.
Then they change the topic to divert the sadness in her eyes. They talked about the boy and his on-enclosure girl. He said that they already in a relationship. But that girl always cried whenever he talked about her. That girl afraid she could not replace her in his life. He always said that it’s a different story between her and that girl. The girl listened well and just laugh, proud of her state in him, but in heart, she feels sorry for that girl. She really does, cause as a girl too, she could feel it. Three years is not a short time. There were many memories, so much memories they both learnt from.
“One who could make it worst, but I could not tell her, was the cat. If she about to know it was a share of me and you, she will died crying.” He said.
“All the times when I was with you, were the best moments I cannot forget.” He continues. “You know what, I made a photos slide video which was supposed to be sent to you on your birthday. But I’m too afraid to send it. I’m afraid you would reject it or even made you cry with it.”
“Why? You should send it! Don’t think about my reaction first, just send it as your project. I’ll receive it by heart.” She said wisely. “Me too, you taught me so much lessons. I spent half of my college life with you. So you are still my best friend of life.”
--
They talked for hours. Like they always did years ago. A time that would be a big notes for them. They filled in each other. ‘Til everyone also thought they would reach marriage. But they broke up. And that was a big shock news for every one to hear. Her too sometimes, thought about it. And feeling sorry to displeased everyone. But life should be improved to a better stage. This is their examination. This would be a valued lesson for each selves. They last for 3 years, but there’s more years ahead and they should do better things than reconstruct old moments. Like for the girl will concentrated on her academic life and some social responsibility, then the boy with his work and brand new relationship.
That 100 days. 200 days. Just lasted until 1000th day.
But those days were appreciable for them. They learnt from it. Take the lessons from, and awaken by it.
That one fine day.

--

RRR.